LOVE, EMOTIONS AND PUNCHES……

Ok Guys! Calm down and please don’t go about punching. This is not in any way to suggest that punching a girl is not an abuse. Gender bias? Ok – babes be mindful too. Even our subtly hitting of a guy’s chest when we are in love and they just won’t get it might just be termed as an abuse.  Well I don’t want to exaggerate but abuse has been fantastically and corruptibly justified these days. She hit me first he said – Charlatan!

Abuse is abuse and there is the general perception that a man or woman have to hit you for it to be termed abuse. Someone said in his phony yankee accent ‘I hit her yea but errrm erm I didn’t do any damage to her body – I couldn’t close my mouth but I managed to murmured his deserved comments  in my native language ‘Oloshi, Oloriburuku”. Well it has to be inaudible and in my native language. It is being cerebral. I can’t afford any damage to my fine face

Get it - if you ever thought to hit or have attempted to hit, before you came to your senses or your senses came to you. You need help and urgently. And if you are the victim or the potential victim, start running. Please run like ‘kunta kinte’ in Roots. Ok he was caught. Please run like Forrest Grump.

So I saw this statistics one of those days I was carelessly going through random stuff. A university don did a research on 1.5m people that was abused and he said 96% of those cases were emotionally abused and only 4% have been physically abused. It immediately dawn on me. So does that mean Titi, Chika, Tola, Hauwa, Ayo and even I have been abused emotionally????

We all know about domestic abuse, rape and all other forms of physical abuse. It’s quite appalling that a lot of these cases seem to be coming up these days with even gory details that send shivers down your spine.

In all this there is a worse form of abuse going around today and if not curbed, could be more dangerous than physical abuse.  Emotional Abuse!!!!!!!

Being “emotionally abused” means, being regularly criticized, threatened, victimized, intimidated and manipulated by someone supposedly a partner, friend etc.

The movie Mr&Mrs, where the husband (Joseph Benjamin) constantly demoralizes his wife (Nse Ekpe Etim). She lost every shred of self confidence in her thanks to his taunts, but she was able to teach him a lesson or two and stop the abuse. Now that is a movie. In reality, this form of abuse makes people suicidal, depressed, and even murderous.

Now I am not saying only women suffer emotional abuse, oh men do too.  I mean there are some sharp-mouthed women hian, that can destroy a man’s entire existence with just the words that come out of their mouth.  Ok, you earn more than your partner, there is no need to rub it in each other’s face or broadcast to the world like radio Katanga.

Alright, so I dated this guy sometimes back, now I don’t know if insecurities causes you to abuse people emotionally and stuff but he was insecure. He didn’t like my friends because he always said they would advise me against him. I needed his permission to go out, even with my friends. I mean my only friends were girls. I couldn’t say some certain things to him or talk to him a certain type of way. I on the other hand felt oh he is just being caring, I never saw it signs of emotional abuse. Basically I lost myself just trying to please him and not get him upset, because then it takes a while for him to forgive.

It took me a couple of years before I realized that I had lost my essence trying to please someone else. I didn’t leave because I felt oh where do I start from and all and most importantly I didn’t want to be alone.

You might be in an emotionally abusive relationship; if you have to constantly ask for permission to go on a girls day out or to even go out at all and you guys aren’t even married yet, biko it’s a sign, Flee! 

Your flaws, shortcomings being thrown in your face every day, even in front of friends, please take a walk, if u need slippers sef I fit give you.

They accuse you of things you personally know isn’t true, but you can’t seem to make him see the truth, instead you apologize so he always seems write and you wrong….. Sigh my words for you, it is time to move on

They threaten to break up or leave you because they know you will beg, which you always do, Haaaa my brethren, please you deserve better.

They see your opinion as irrelevant, and wouldn’t condone any form or disrespect, lool pele oh elder, but disrespects you at a whim and treats you like a child, like the Israelites, start walking. Yes walk-away

If you recognize any of the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, be honest with yourself so you can regain power over your own life, stop the abuse, and begin to heal.

The symptoms of emotional abuse simply put EA is worse than TB (if you doubt me visit a patient suffering from Tuberculosis). Its manifestation are in the form of illness, emotional trauma, depression, or anxiety. You simply can’t allow it to continue, even if it means ending the relationship. You cannot change him/her. Don’t compete with Jesus and if you are married or have sworn to an oath, the Lord is your muscle.

If you are an abuser you should and can change if you admit and honestly want to.

Kindly share your experiences and opinions on this subject.